Oh Do Let's

In terms of one's life, there are many priorities one has.

Food.

Shelter.

Being on time for run crew.


Unfortunately, a blog is simply not high on the list, though it does beat doing homework by a fair margin. I apologize for my absence and it will never happen again.

I've been called to the wonderous task of being on run crew for Iphegenia 2.0. Pronounced "effin vagina." It's about a bitch and the story that leads up to said bitch's demise.





                         [This bitch.]


For those unfamiliar with run crew, we are the ninja masters that make the back/fore/mid stage things happen. You were unaware how the wall mysteriously moved, but it did. And there was a person dressed in black doing it.

When you are on run crew:

the actors are stupid

the stage manager is stupid

the director is stupid

but you must internalize these feelings and be subservient to all because that is what God made you for and you will do it.

Of course, none of those aforementioned persons are stupid in reality, (quite the opposite) but when no one communicates and things don't get done it leads one to suspect. It's just frustrating.

Today, specifically, was terrible because it is the first day of what I hope is a two  day AT MAX cold. I skipped class to try and regain some health points. Wouldn't you know I was fresh out of potions.





                                                         [I blame you]


Hallucinating is almost never fun, but doing it while operating machinery takes the ca--- no. we don't talk about the "C" word.

There's a ..ugh.. cake with about a 4 inch diameter that gets thrown apart by the actors and tossed about the stage. I never knew such a cake could cause such problems in my life. It simply doesn't mop up but we have to stay until the stage is no longer sticky. Literally every prop used in the scene has 10,000 crevices into which cake ahderes. Every night it's like the bouquet of flowers went swimming in icing.


It seems every day I do something worthy of humiliation.

There's a big, camo covered wall about 30 feet long and a foot wide that needs to move from scene to scene. It's on a track and I operate it. For reasons unknown, it has been named Hagrid and he is one temperamental son of a witch. I constantly need to adjust the speed and sometimes-

sometimes he just decides to go on break and not move.

STORY TIME

Yesterday, I arrived for our 12 hour rehearsal fresh faced and not knowing anything about the show. For some of my responsibilities, I was given Hagrid to operate. I knew not of his dark side.

Somehow fog machines came up in conversation and the person who is supposed to operate things like that said, "Oh f*ck fog machines," in a tone which suggested we weren't using one.

About midway throught the show, Hagrid simultaneously stopped responding to remote commands and smoke was everywhere. I relayed the info over headset and the run was stopped in a panic to investigate.

I'm gonna M. Night Shyamalan you here. It was the fog machine. What a twist!

There was your story. To bed with the youngins.

Today's moment happened with some united pre-show fail and people who have poor enunciation.

"Grant, there's a stippler...studio near you... stage left...move..."

"Uhh...what's a stippler?"

Nothing.

"Repeat, what's a stippler?"

Nothing.

"GRANT JUST GET THE STEPLADDER OF THE STAGE AND MOVE IT INTO THE STUDIO NOW"

"OH HELL I THOUGHT YOU SAID STIPPLER HONEST TO GOD"

so I creptily crept on to the stage and moved the damn thing...because it was exactly where the entire audience would see it if we had an audience. We talked about it later and apparently the silence was when the entire crew was laughing at me and had shut off their mics.

I anxiously wait for tomorrow's shennanigans.







               [I am literally this excited for it]