So It Goes...

I haven't been posting for a few things because I've been trying to find out what exactly happened.

Roommate is MIA.

Everything he owned vanished.

His Facebook has been deleted.

His friends can't find him.

He hasn't answered his phone.

Marc came by today, (sans Jimmy) and was astounded to find half of my room barren and no Roommate. Apparently, Marc has had a deal with Roommate that he will sleep there every other day. But for my graciousness Marc would now be homeless.

Here's the timeline as best I can figure out:


12:00 am  Roommate, Marc, and Hunter come home. Marc and Hunter to spend the night.

1:00 am  Lights out, everyone settles down to sleep.


^^^^^^^^^^ ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION ^^^^^^^^^^^^^


7:30 am  I awaken from a terrible sleep brought on from the nerve gas

8:00 am  I leave the room intact, with all other parties still asleep

9:00 am  Marc awakens, and leaves sometime within the next half hour


^^^^^^^^^^ ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

9:45 am  EVERYTHING IS F*CKING GONE ITS GONE MAN ITS GONE



I spent the better part of that day convinced I was Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. That's pretty much the plot of the whole movie. He was imagining his roommate the whole damn time.

My friends were no help at all. In addition to encouraging the notion that I am schizophrenic, they offered a few more theories.


1. WITNESS PROTECTION. It explains the hasty exit and facebook deletion. The theory suggestor's father works/worked for the government (you didn't hear it from me) and she says if they want you out in 45 minutes THEY GET YOU OUT.

2. IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL MIND IT'S FIGHT CLUB. I am my roommate. I have no recollection of my experiences as him ir his experiences as me. For some reason, I snapped out of it and suddenly, my 'roommate' was gone.

3. HAZEL DID IT. While not specifically named, my various personalities were implicated in this scenario. My suspicions instantly turned to the most dangerous and crafty of my personas. She's keeping it from me so there's no pressure when the popo come sniffing.






                           [I have no idea what happened...!]



4. HE JOINED A FRATERNITY. What is potentially the most likely. He does have many friends in fraternities, and that would also explain why I can't see his Facebook...but that would make him a dick. It does not however explain why Marc can't find him...unless Roommate is a BIG dick.

5. HE IS THE PRODUCT OF THE MOST ELUSIVE AND SOUGHT AFTER COUPLE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.





[That place was called Omaha, Nebraska. They had a son. His name...was Roommate]



Mystery solved.

For My Own Safety

Some of Roommate's friends stopped by tonight... without him. They seemed pretty alright. They were a little loud upon entering, but I suppose that's what to expect with frat guys.

Hey, you asked for sarcasm.

So anyway they saw me blogging and asked to be mentioned. I'm doing so because I was alone and I fear them.

Here you have it! Your own post! Everyone say hi to Marc and ...Jimmy? I think it was Jimmy.


yeah, Jimmy...

We're All Men Here

This morning Roommate and I had matching schedules, so we both got up at 7:30...ish. My acting teacher has demanded we wear sweatpants and loose fitting shirts to class so we can stretch properly.

Harsh.

In effect, he gave me a license that ensures I will never get dressed for school ever again.

I do keep at least decent hygene, so certain...aspects...of my garb did need changing. Roommate was also getting ready for the day, and just so happened to turn around as I was entering a lewd state.







               [pictured: what must have looked like my lewd state]
 



He quickly turned around and apologized, and I thought, "Why did you apologize? You should be thanking me!"


Roommate, we both live in this small (albeit bigger than everyone else's) room. We are going to see each other naked every once in a while. If we don't it means one of us isn't sleeping there or is invisible.







                   [Oh hi, Roommate! When did you get back? And why are you naked?]





But I suppose I need to thank Roommate for being a gracious, friendly person... unlike my previous one. We'll call him Jackhole.

The tale begins with a simple question, asked on the first day of staying in the dorms.

"Hey, do you, like, drink and stuff"

I responded with no, and Jackhole assured me that while he did indulge in the activities common to partying, he wouldn't let it affect me or the room.

Guess whaaaaaaatttt.

Fresh from summer vacation, my sleeping patterns were not as established as they could have been. But four in the morning is not even a real time. If I ever see the number 4 in the first spot on a digital clock, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. I was awoken by furious pounding. I slugged out of bed, oozed to the door, and opened it. There he was, in all his drunken stupor. He left his wallet and phone in some random kid's car. This would set the tone for the semester.

After what must have been 15 different whores girlfriends, many keyless and ths sleeples nights, and not paying for 3 months worth of room, he finally got his ass evicted. He left all ALL his crap in the room. For about a month, I was living the easy, no roommate life.

I came home one day and only most of his belongings were gone. Thankfully, he left boxes and boxes of trash and plastic bags lying around. How thoughtful. Glad to be rid of him, I searched for my cologne to freshen up before meeting friends for dinner.

Guess whaaaaaaatttt.



     [Not Pictured: Something that belongs to him]



My nice, $70 cologne my sister bought me for Christmas was gone. Stolen. It was a mostly full bottle. A MOSTLY FULL BOTTLE. I was not that terrible of a roommate to him that he had to leave like that. It was if he was saying,

"Haha bitch, now you can't be elegant!"


And it's true. I can't. Without my cologne, I feel like this:





                          [Pictured: the epitome of elegance]



I guess that's maybe something I should have seen coming from a convicted shoplifter. Jackhole.

Here's to a new semester, Roommate. I hope this semester brings good things for both of us, and that you don't find this blog. Ever. I will talk about you. Frequently.