So It Goes...

I haven't been posting for a few things because I've been trying to find out what exactly happened.

Roommate is MIA.

Everything he owned vanished.

His Facebook has been deleted.

His friends can't find him.

He hasn't answered his phone.

Marc came by today, (sans Jimmy) and was astounded to find half of my room barren and no Roommate. Apparently, Marc has had a deal with Roommate that he will sleep there every other day. But for my graciousness Marc would now be homeless.

Here's the timeline as best I can figure out:


12:00 am  Roommate, Marc, and Hunter come home. Marc and Hunter to spend the night.

1:00 am  Lights out, everyone settles down to sleep.


^^^^^^^^^^ ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION ^^^^^^^^^^^^^


7:30 am  I awaken from a terrible sleep brought on from the nerve gas

8:00 am  I leave the room intact, with all other parties still asleep

9:00 am  Marc awakens, and leaves sometime within the next half hour


^^^^^^^^^^ ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

9:45 am  EVERYTHING IS F*CKING GONE ITS GONE MAN ITS GONE



I spent the better part of that day convinced I was Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. That's pretty much the plot of the whole movie. He was imagining his roommate the whole damn time.

My friends were no help at all. In addition to encouraging the notion that I am schizophrenic, they offered a few more theories.


1. WITNESS PROTECTION. It explains the hasty exit and facebook deletion. The theory suggestor's father works/worked for the government (you didn't hear it from me) and she says if they want you out in 45 minutes THEY GET YOU OUT.

2. IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL MIND IT'S FIGHT CLUB. I am my roommate. I have no recollection of my experiences as him ir his experiences as me. For some reason, I snapped out of it and suddenly, my 'roommate' was gone.

3. HAZEL DID IT. While not specifically named, my various personalities were implicated in this scenario. My suspicions instantly turned to the most dangerous and crafty of my personas. She's keeping it from me so there's no pressure when the popo come sniffing.






                           [I have no idea what happened...!]



4. HE JOINED A FRATERNITY. What is potentially the most likely. He does have many friends in fraternities, and that would also explain why I can't see his Facebook...but that would make him a dick. It does not however explain why Marc can't find him...unless Roommate is a BIG dick.

5. HE IS THE PRODUCT OF THE MOST ELUSIVE AND SOUGHT AFTER COUPLE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.





[That place was called Omaha, Nebraska. They had a son. His name...was Roommate]



Mystery solved.

Salutations

Why, yes, just stating salutations is in fact a proper greeting. How impolite of you to doubt me.

This appears to be my first post of my first blog. I say appears because it is entirely possible that I sleep blog on another site. Probably Blogger. It is also possible one of my other personalities has one and won’t tell me about it. Yeah. That’s totally something Bubbe Hazel would do.



                             [Pictured: the face of deception]



Anyway, as I was making this blog, I noticed a few key things. The box I needed to check to  make this was not called I agree to the Terms and Service, but instead the box was oh so cleverly titled Legal Flotsam, and I thought, thank you. Thank you, WordPress, for not holding me to the unrealistic expectations of other companies. Like Apple. You know what I’m talking about.

As I continued on my way to blogdom, I grew concerned. The Login says Howdy, Grant and the default first post was called Hello World! How DARE  you, WordPress, it is in fact my job MY JOB to be clever. Get away with your cutesy wootsey language and your pretentious face. My job.

So pretty much every post will be like this, not really entertaining. I’m hoping to get a rating of “slightly amusing” and maybe some of you will make this your homepage so it doesn’t take any work to get here. Because I know you, dear target demographic. I know the astounding levels of laziness for which you strive.


Hugs,
Grantley